I bought shoe polish over my lunch break. PGP.

The only useful skill I’ve acquired at my job of two and a half years is learning how to spin my pen with my left hand. PGP.

I’m not anti-social, I just don’t like anyone I work with. PGP.

My date didn’t want to come home with me, but she endorsed me on LinkedIn. So I wouldn’t count it as a total loss. PGP.

The guy without a college degree making twice as much as me. PGP.

Realizing your entry-level “analyst” job feels a lot like an administrative assistant. PGP.

Today, I watched in horror as the violent flush of the handicapped stall shot a pellet-sized turd directly at me. It hit my crotch and then bounced into my shoe. PGP.

Having the worst Excel game in the office. PGP.

My new idea of being a party animal is taking an extra Klonopin at work on Friday. PGP.

No Bill Simmons mailbag this week. PGP.