I used to have the best memory. Now, I tell the same story 5 times and can’t remember what I ate for breakfast. PGP.

Going to a coworker’s “Last Day Happy Hour,” eating a free plate of food, drinking free beer, and not saying goodbye to the person quitting. PGP.

“Hey I have to drop off this call to run to another meeting.” *Sprints to the bathroom before defecating everywhere* PGP.

I haven’t had sex with my girlfriend since we moved in together. PGP.

Wasn’t going to come to work on the 5th. Just received a meeting invite. PGP.

These posts are becoming increasingly more accurate. PGP.

My dog is so afraid of fireworks that he breaks open my bedroom door, jumps on the bed, and pees through my comforter. PGP.

Quit my job for a better one. Got a severance package. PGPowermove.

Brexit. PGP.

Just got my girlfriend pregnant. PGP.