The HR Director said that she “expected great things” from me today. Fuck. PGP.

Getting hit on by older men via LinkedIn. PGP.

I’ll know who my future wife is when we both get pissed at the bartender during last call and both start verbally abusing him at the same time. That’s when I’ll know she’s the one. PGP.

Empathizing with Gandhi when you have to wait until 12:45 for lunch. PGP.

Shower coffee. PGP.

Planning my afternoon nap as soon as my alarm goes off at 7. PGP.

I’ve had to use Urban Dictionary way too much. PGP.

Called into my manager’s office, thought I was getting fired. Turns out they signed me up to take a trip to visit corporate in Germany. Now I’m terrified of getting fired abroad. PGP.

My credit card was declined on a first date. PGP.

Working on Columbus Day. PGP.