Really not knowing how to socialize with babies and always ending up being the weird one petting their heads

My office phone just rang for the first time since I started working two months ago. The lady on the other end had the wrong extension and I had no idea how or where to forward her call and the entire experience was terrifying. PGP

Aimlessly staring at my monitors. PGP.

Every time someone at work tells me a story, I want to just “honestly, I don’t give a fuck.”

I put in maybe 3 hours of real work everyday. During my 3 month review, my manager described me as “professional, attentive, and a quick worker.” PGPM?

Working at a company for two years and just finally finding out that there is a company gym

Taking a “survive and advance” approach to this work week.

The line between puns and dad jokes has started to blur. PGP

My coworkers call me “Hollywood” because I don’t have a kid. PGP.

Not telling people I still have a perfect bracket in fear of being “that guy.”