My friend got engaged last night. I went home and sent weird messages on Tinder. PGP.

“Well, looks like someone had fun last night.” PGP.

Just got back from lunch, already hungry. PGP.

Changing girls as often as your underwear. TFM. Changing girls as often as your oil. PGP.

Slowly deleting your social media accounts due to their triviality. PGP.

My undergrad friends think I’m boring, and my postgrad friends think I’m immature. PGP.

I spent a total of about 53 seconds outside today. PGP.

I had a six-pack in high school. Never thought I could have back fat. PGP.

Going to a cousin’s wedding and being told, “You’re next!” by every family member there. PGP.