Looking forward to the haircut I’m going to get on Saturday. PGP.

Legitimately getting a kick out of responding with “Not bad for a Monday” when asked how your day is going on a Tuesday. PGP.

Too lazy to go out to the bar. Fixed myself up a couple dirty gin martinis and put on some ’70s soft rock instead. PGP.

All my friends are getting engaged and I’m just sitting here watching Netflix. PGP.

Putting in my two weeks soon. Can’t stop fantasizing about never seeing these people again. PGP.

Forgot my name badge/access badge for work today. Now I have to ask someone to open the door every time I leave. PGP.

If I had $1 for every time I heard the phrase “touch base” in the office, I could afford to add avocado to everything. PGP.

My old sugar momma just sent me a LinkedIn request… She is married now. PGP.

Getting transferred to a job just far enough away from DC that I can’t actually live anywhere decent or rent is too damn high. PGP.

Lost the keys to my rental car. PGP.