The only matches I get on Tinder these days are hooker spam bots. PGP.

I don’t know how long basic produce stays good for. PGP.

I’m not in a dry spell. Just letting the market breathe. PGP.

I’d rather be the worst player on the PGA tour every week, than the best employee in my department. PGP.

I thought once I graduated, I would would be living like Jordan Belfort. I was tragically mistaken. PGP.

“Have a safe 4th of July weekend!” Don’t tell me how to live my life. PGP.

The one week on, one month off workout routine. PGP.

I’m more attracted to the DirecTV puppet wife than the girls at my agency. PGP.

Somebody emailed the entire office because they lost their roast beef sandwich. PGP.