I’m even on a dry-streak for Tinder matches. #PGP

Going from getting pretty girls drunk to drinking ugly girls pretty. PGP.

“Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far away from here.”

Turns out 9 to 5 is just an expression

Not on spring break, but listening to Jimmy Buffet Pandora to let your boss know where your head is at. PGP.

Convincing yourself you’re only single because you swiped the wrong way on Tinder that one time. PGP.

Still having to explain to your parents what your friends from college are doing now. PGP

Being so out of shape you can drink a 40 faster than you can run a 40. PGP

Not going to happy hour on Wednesday because you plan to go out on Saturday.