A bad day on the golf course is better than a good day at the office. PGP.

Started from the bottom, now I work in an office that is literally underground. PGP.

Mentally checking out the second your boss leaves the office at lunch. PGP.

Reading spam email out of boredom. PGP.

Developing unhealthy delusions of winning the lottery. PGP.

My to-do list is finished by 2:00pm every single day. After that it’s all smoke and mirrors. PGP.

Last week I got engaged to the love of my life. We met on Tinder. PGP.

The only time I ever wash my hands after going to the bathroom is when someone else is there. Even then, I pull a Costanza and just run some water. PGP.

The “entry level 15” is a lot more depressing than the “freshman 15.” PGP.