Attempting to use a piece of paper as a napkin. PGP.

Resenting your dog because he has it made. PGP.

Saying “I’ll get right on that” when in reality you have no idea what you were just asked to do. PGP.

Looking up symptoms on WebMD so you can start “displaying” the signs of different sicknesses in front of your boss, so he’s not shocked when you call in sick the next day. PGP.

Going to a happy hour just to hear coworkers bitch about the others that aren’t there. PGP.

The worse my day at the office, the more I spend on lottery tickets that night. PGP.

Social media campaigns. PGP.

Never remembering how long you’ve been wearing your disposable contacts. PGP.

When the phrase “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” becomes your personal motto. PGP.

There were more people at my boss’s son’s birthday party than mine. I know this because I had to be at both. PGP.

Some days, I just wanna burn this mother to the ground. PGP.

My wife gave me the “yeah right” laugh after I told her I want a PS4 for Christmas. PGP.