Being way too pleased with your Quiznos order. PGP.

Going to the other Chipotle for fear of becoming a regular at the closer one. PGP.

Gas, oil and check engine light came on in the same day. I don’t get paid for another week. PGP.

When your app crashes, it’s God’s way of saying “You’ve been pooping long enough.” PGP.

Woke up at 4 a.m. to watch The Open and now I can’t stay awake at work. PGP.

Actually renting the runway. PGP.

Taking a dump and playing “Clash of Clans” is always the highlight of my day. PGP.

My manager cut a hole in my cubicle wall so he could have “better lines of communication.” PGP.

I watched old ’90s porn last night. The set had nicer furniture than my office does. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

The Tesla Model III sounds awesome and everything, but I doubt I’ll have $35,000 by 2017. PGP.

Customers taking their anger out on you when they call the wrong extension. PGP.