The person that talks to me the most during the day is the voice in the elevator. PGP.

I just lost all respect for my coworker because she doesn’t like Chipotle. PGP.

Feeling better about “Nice work” coming from PGP than your own boss. PGP.

The most attractive girls at the office are always the summer interns. PGP.

That 25-minute early morning poop/Tinder sesh starting your day off right. PGP.

I’ve gotten several compliments on my new car the last few days. It’s a rental. PGP.

I am so used to making the “jerking off” motion under my desk while on the phone. Yesterday I accidentally made it while talking to a manager. I am still praying he did not notice. PGP.

Putting way too much thought into categorizing your phone apps while on the toilet. PGP.

Putting the toilet seat cover on while talking on the phone was by far the most productive thing I’ve done this month. PGP.

Texting my mom at work to ask her the most professional way to quit. PGP.

People thinking you’re telling a joke when you tell them your salary. PGP.

Getting your biggest rush of the day from cutting people off at the exit ramp. PGP.