All I want for Christmas is for my coworkers to stop talking about their kids. PGP.

I just found out the girl I’ve been hooking up with has a kid. PGP.

I saw a coworker outside of work and walked to the complete other side of the parking lot to a random store just to avoid having to say hi. PGP.

Shooting for average. PGP.

A one-year subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club is $215. Griswold was an ungrateful SOB. PGP.

The only birthday card I got this year was from my used car dealer. PGP.

Cousin Eddie being unemployed for seven years because he’s holding out for a management position. PGP.

Between email, phone and in person, I’ve used the same ‘Enjoy the Holidays’ salutation nearly 50 times today. PGP.

Not needing an alarm clock. PGP.

The highlight of my week was setting up my auto reply email for Christmas vacation. PGP.

Naively thinking that college was the end of all-nighters. PGP.

Our boss must celebrate Festivus, because he definitely just led an Airing of Grievances. PGP.