My car is old enough to have its own driver’s license. PGP.

Tinder matches more interested in seeing me than friends and fraternity bros from college. PGP.

Daydreaming about real estate listings in my spare time. PGP.

Opened a new Chrome tab while hooked up to the projector. All the new hires saw my most visited website was my gambling site. PGP.

I get a huge rush from stealing K cups from my office. PGP.

The local strip club just followed me on Twitter. PGP.

Working in your hometown. PGP.

Meeting with my boss. Apply for new jobs. End up in the same office the next morning. Repeat. PGP.

I want to get a German Shepherd but they’re too smart and I know it would end up just calling me on my shit. PGP.

“This is just a stepping stone.” PGP.

Michelob taste on a Busch budget. PGP.

Wore a white long sleeve shirt and fleece vest to work and now my coworker won’t stop calling me Han Solo and asking me why I shot first. PGP.