Before I start this article, please let me clarify that I have nothing against my gender. I love being a woman and everything that it entails, including (but not limited to) painting my nails while listening to Kelly Clarkson Pandora radio, shoe shopping with my mom, and pretending I know what I’m doing in my office’s fantasy football league. And that’s not to say men can’t do those things either. Hashtag gender equality. I’m all for it!
You know what irks me, though? When certain members of my gender complain about very particular topics. In my opinion, we have an inherent right to bitch all we want when we’re on our periods or when it’s been 40 minutes and the Chinese food still hasn’t come. But it’s when perfectly competent women whine about things that are within their realm of control that makes me wish their favorite book becomes a movie and none of the characters are how they imagined they’d be. Or punch them in the throat, but I’m not one for violence, so…
A Bad Haircut
I get it, you want to look Kate Goslin status fierce. But guess what? Hair grows back. That’s why you have a 5 o’clock shadow on your legs at 10 a.m. Just me? Oh.
It’s like that episode of Friends, “The One With Monica’s Boots.” She just had to have them even though they killed her feet. Then Chandler had to give her a piggyback ride home. Great episode. Heels are awesome because they make your ass look top-notch and they can turn a grade-C outfit into a grade-A one, but if you’re going to complain the whole night about your feet hurting, then you’re better off in flats. But then again, I’m also at the point in my life where comfort trumps fashion almost every time.
That You’re Broke
Unless you’re out of a job and living off food stamps, I’m willing to bet you’re not broke. You’re also probably reading this on a smartphone, and if you’re not, then you’re on a computer…which means you’re not broke. Trust me, I get it, money’s tight for all of us. If you’re going broke, that’s different. Stop spending money on dumb stuff like a third fall coat, and stop dipping into your savings account.
Men Who Leave The Seat Up At Their Own Apartment
Yes, this has actually happened. I heard it with my own two ears. If they have to touch the seat to put it up, then it’s probably sanitary enough for you to put it down. Also, there’s this great stuff called hand soap. I hear it kills 99.9 percent of germs not including Ebola.
Compliments From Men
Not to be confused with catcalls–there’s a clear discrepancy, and one is much more disrespectful than the other. There are men who compliment women for the sole purpose of making them feel good about themselves and then there are the catcallers and hissers. And those people are unavoidable. I’ve been whistled at while wearing baggy sweats (not bragging, just making a point) but I’ve also been looked in the eyes and told that I’m beautiful by a complete stranger. Creepy? Sure, but I also felt really good about myself..