How Did You Lose Your Virginity?

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If losing your v-card was like a fairy tale, then hats off to you. Consider yourself the lucky one-percent. But for the rest of us, it was awkward as hell. There were limbs flailing, holes being poked, sweaty palms all over the place and a feeling of utter confusion. At least we can look back and laugh about it now, right?

Age: 16
Location: My parents’ house
That Special Moment: It was as cliché as it gets. It was the morning after prom (yeah that’s right, I was dating a senior) and he was driving me home (yeah that’s right, he had a car) from the after party we had spent the night at. I asked if he wanted to come in and hang for a little bit when we got back to my parents’ house, because, #romance. Once we realized that no one was home, we did it. Sort of. Honestly, it hurt so much that I told him to go home because I was in prime season for getting pregnant (read: raging ovulation), even though I knew it was a total lie. We didn’t have sex again for three months because it turned out my boyfriend was ultra-religious and I didn’t know that because, again, I was 16 and didn’t like to listen to him talk. I only liked to look at his abs.
Rating: 0/10. I literally lied to get him to go home it was so bad.

Age: 17 (And proud of it)
Location: The back-seat of my Toyota Rav 4 in the parking lot of the Long Island Railroad station in Syosset, NY.
That Special Moment: Special? I’d just broken up with my high school sweetheart for the umpteenth time and I needed a prom date, so I started dating this other girl and about 8 days later we were banging. One of those girls you date for the sole purpose of losing your virginity. Very “special.”
Rating: “Meh”/10

Age: 17
Location: An apartment in downtown Athens, GA
That Special Moment: I was visiting campuses to decide where I would go to college and while I was visiting UGA I went to a fraternity party. They had a band playing and beer everywhere and I started chatting up this girl who knew the band. She was 23, and flat out told me she was looking to get laid that night. We left the party and she dragged me around downtown Athens filling me with alcohol. We got back to her place and as soon as her roommate went to bed she was all over me. Then, she tried to drag me to the bedroom…but first I had to poop. I used her bathroom, then proceeded into the bedroom to have sex with her. I was so drunk that I couldn’t feel a damn thing. I barely remember her leaving the bedroom before I passed out, and I woke up around 4 am alone in her bed. I grabbed my pants and wallet and literally ran all the way back to my hotel down the road. I don’t remember her name or where she lived.
Rating: 1/10

Babe Lincoln
Age: 18
Location: Bedroom of my parent’s house
That Special Moment: Utter silence. Imagine what it sounds like to be in space and then put that on mute. A complete, muted disaster.
Rating: Negative one billion/10

Age: 19
Location: My freshman dorm, in my roommate’s bed.
That Special Moment: I was hammered on everclear lemonade after coming back from a party at the off-campus frisbee house (it was terrible, but it was Easter weekend. Frisbee was the only game in town.) I struck out with ultra-religious girl I went with to the party (a mistake, in hindsight) but then I booty called this girl from my chemistry class and we hooked up.
Rating: 7/10. Wasn’t a bad first time, and I got revenge on my shitty, World of Warcraft/phone sex-loving roommate by fucking her on his bed. Win.

Rory Gilmore
Age: 16
Location: On the couch in my boyfriend’s parents’ basement.
That Special Moment: After a long sweaty morning of life guarding, my boyfriend picked me up in his 1992 Buick and we went back to his parents’ house to fornicate. We were both virgins and had no idea what we were doing. It was painful, smelled like sunscreen and latex, and it messed up my perfectly crafted French braid. I never even took off my lifeguard bathing suit top. Also, I’m pretty sure it was noon and his mom was upstairs making us lunch.
Rating: 1.5/10…glad to get it over with.

AARP Benny
Age: 18
Location: My frat house bunk
That Special Moment: I lived in my frat house as a pledge and swiped my v-card on the second night of college. I’m romantic like that. Unfortunately, I got blackout drunk and the older sister of one of the older actives decided she wanted to deflower me. I was drunkenly thrusting on top of her and my shack sheets started coming undone and fell down around us. Little did I know, there were about five people outside of my room, watching me lose my virginity. There’s a grainy cell phone video of my bare ass flying up and down somewhere out there on the internet. I’m sure of it. I’m terrified I’ll stumble across it on XVideos one day.
Rating: 10 paddle swats/10

Age: 17 (and three months)
Location: My then-boyfriend’s bed, Brooklyn, NY
That Special Moment: I was very staunch about not doing the deed until I had been dating someone for at least a year. Don’t get me wrong, we did other stuff – I was the classic “Everything But” girl. It was planned and calculated, down to the day – exactly a year and one week after we had begun dating.
Rating: “Owwwww”/10

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