Being Single Is A Choice


Being single is a choice. Don’t kid yourself. It is. I had this revelation a few days after hearing several women complain, ad nauseam, about their single status. Granted, it was Valentine’s weekend and the topic of relationships was unavoidable. The conversation ranged from “There are no good guys out there” to “I don’t know why I’m single.”

Let me just stomp out those absurd arguments right now: 1. There are good guys out there. 2. You are single because you are doing nothing to be in relationship.

The one thing that all of my complaining acquaintances had in common were that they made no proactive choices to find someone to date. Let’s get real for a minute, a few cursory swipes on an app is not the same as being really proactive. None of these women did anything to make themselves approachable. They all fell into the same rut that many of us find ourselves in. Wake up, work, gym (with headphones in the whole time so that no one dares communicate with you), home, shower, sleep, repeat. People, where are your hobbies?

Stop expecting the man of your dreams to come waltzing into your life (or out of your phone) if you are doing nothing to make that happen. Dating is a choice. Once you reach a certain age, the days of lazily having class together and forming a connection have past. Finding someone requires work and if you aren’t willing to put that work in then you are choosing to remain single.

Loafing around on your couch binge watching “Grey’s Anatomy” might be your perfect evening and there is nothing wrong with that. But to do that day after day and then whine about not finding a guy is a bit ridiculous. Which brings me to another ridiculous point. Complaining to your friends that you are “so single” in the hopes that they set you up with someone is ineffective. I’m not going to call up one of my guy friends and say, “Hey, so my friend is like SO desperate to date someone, do you think you could take her out to dinner?”

I would say I’m offering up the following advice because I want all the readers to be happy and confident but realistically, it’s because I can’t stand to listen to another “I’m so single” conversation. If you are single, embrace it. It’s an awesome time in your life. Sure, it’s lonely, but it is also a time to be selfish; spend your money on what you want, take up a hobby, spend time with your friends, travel. In the process of becoming a more dynamic person, you might even attract someone. If you hate being single and are plagued by constant thoughts of dying alone then it’s time to act; smile and say hi to the person who made eye contact with you instead of turning away quickly, ask your friends if they know someone that’s a good fit, take a class to meet someone with similar interests.

I understand that you’ve heard most of this advice before. I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last, to write relationship advice for the Internet. Maybe it’s the scientist in me but if you’re not getting the desired results from something, it might be time to change up your approach.

Image via Shutterstock

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