27 hours until Memorial Day Weekend,119 hours until Tuesday morning. PGP

I need coffee to poop in the morning now PGP

I can’t even afford to casually date. PGP.

The hardest part of my job is pretending to care.

That’s what I love about these interns, man. I get older, they stay the same age. PGP.

I know exactly how much I can drink on a weeknight and not be hungover at work the next day. I usually blow right past it around 9 p.m. PGP.

You make a drunken scene at one family wedding, and no one lets you live it down. PGP

I’ve had the dad bod before dad bods were cool. PGP

Tuesday is the day I stop regretting last weekend and start looking forward to this weekend. PGP.