39 years, 5 months, 6 days, 4 hours, 30 minutes till retirement. PGP.

“Hi! I’m just calling to follow up” PGP

Was that a super long dump, or did it seem that way because I left my phone on my desk? PGP

Work husband thinks we are best friends, I just like free lunch. PGP

My new boss just explained the way fractions work to me. I majored in Math. PGP.

My car is too old to drive for uber

It will take me approximately 157 years at my current salary to earn what 21 year old Jordan Speith has earned so far in 2015. PGP

Freshman 20, post grad 30.

Put in my two weeks on Friday, was given two whole new projects on Monday.

Forgetting the attachment. PGP.