My roommates (parents) threw out my cigarettes. PGP.

Taking a lint roller to professional sporting events. PGP.

Bring your child to work day is the best birth control. PGP.

Can’t remember the last time I bought Gatorade for a sports-related reason. PGP.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and say, “As little as possible.” PGP.

Wishing the price gun at work was a real gun so you could end your suffering. PGP.

Monday through Friday. PGP.

Mauling down your little cousins at the Easter egg hunt once you learn one contains a $100 bill. PGP.

My life is way more Peter Gibbons than Jordan Belfort. PGP.

Talking about the bar at work, talking about work at the bar. PGP.