My wife said I couldn’t run through the neighborhood without a shirt. PGP.

Your mom tracking you down on linkedin and endorsing you for every single one of your skills, even though she still isn’t quite sure what it is you do for a living. PGP.

I’m not sure what anybody on my team does

Being told to “think outside the box” while sitting at your cubicle facing a wall #PGP

Found a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.

Really testing the limits of “casual Friday”. PGP.

Found out the CFO can directly see my computer screen; has been for 9 months. Prob seeing me write this

Woke up to find out I can sleep for 30 more minutes. Most exciting thing that will happen all week. PGP

A girl I referred to as “Slumpbuster” in college is now really hot and lives in Hawaii. I am now fat and live with my parents. PGP.

I love the sound of keyboards in the morning.