It’s 9:30 in the morning and I already feel like I need a beer. PGP.

At least the obnoxiously loud construction going on outside is drowning out the voices of my coworkers. PGP.

Calling in sick for the World Cup match and then actually getting sick. PGP.

My phone’s alarm jingle is the soundtrack to all of my nightmares. PGP.

Sent Jurgen Klinsmann’s Permission Slip to my manager as a joke 4 hours ago. He has not responded or acknowledged the e-mail. I think I might get fired. PGP.

If Sallie Mae was a real person, I’d hunt her down and punch her in the fucking face. PGP.

Hearing friends’ salaries and knowing I picked the wrong major. PGP.

The only place I get air conditioning during the day is on public transportation. PGP.

I spend every morning praying for Chipotle to roll out a breakfast menu. PGP.

Quit my job on my birthday. Best gift I have ever received. PGP.