When my alma mater calls me for donations, I tell them to send me more info even though I have no intention of reading it or donating. PGP.

When the highlight of your birthday is entering into new tinder age brackets.

Hangover anxiety so bad you think you might actually die

Blacked out last weekend and woke up on Sunday with a Match.com account. It was $40. #PGP

I have my headphones in so no one will talk to me but they aren’t even plugged in. PGP.

I get excited for training classes out of state because it’s the closest I come to a real vacation

I spend most of my Monday at work trying to think of witty posts to put on the PGP wall. PGP.

Those people on the technical school commercials look more happy and successful than me. PGP.

I didn’t drink at all yesterday. This morning I feel like a million bucks, that I’ll probably never have. PGP.

I still make out in bars.PGP