If another co-worker says “Hump Day” one more time, I’m just gonna lose it

Threw my back out sneezing today. PGP.

Took Saturday night off from going out. Woke up feeling good Sunday so I raged.

My tobacco consumption has quadrupled during unemployment. PGP

My parents strongly suggested that I try online dating.

“Thank you for scheduling your payment” Fuck off. PGP

Taking vacations scrolling through Google Earth. PGP

Chasing Tylenol with coffee. PGP.

When you wake up 3 minutes before your alarm will go off but you still try to fall back asleep anyway. PGP.

A coworker I haven’t even met just introduced himself to me and asked that I not park in his spot. PGP.