Pinch me and I will end you.

This year I have “Dyson Vacuum” and “Sonicare” on my birthday list.

She sounded way hotter on the phone.

I feel like by the time I can actually afford nice stuff, I’ll be too old to enjoy it PGP.

Working for the weekend…More like working for the one night I can go out before the two day hangover ensues. PGP.

Getting an email from your boss that contains 4 sentences and 16 exclamation points.

I’ll endorse you, if you endorse me. #PGP

Packing a lunch to save money. Eating lunch by 1030AM. Still ending up at Chipotle. PGP

One person is sick in the office. The dreaded countdown until it reaches my cubicle. #PGP

The guy on one side of my cube called the guy on the other…both jackasses are on speakerphone PGP.