The server at Chipotle added me on LinkedIn. PGP.

I’ve been using my using my old roommate’s Netflix account for 5 years. PGP.

Attempting to go for a run, but becoming so disconcerted halfway in that you find a Car2Go and drive home. PGP.

Those nights when “dinner” is half a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, a row of Thin Mints, and a full serving of shame. PGP.

Getting caught checking Tinder while on a date with a girl you met on Tinder. PGP.

Moved my dinning room table last night. Woke up with lower back pain this morning. PGP.

Changing girls as often as your underwear. TFM. Changing girls as often as your oil. PGP.

Last Cinco de Mayo, I ripped Tecate bongs and tequila haircuts. Yesterday, I fell asleep on the couch halfway through an episode of “Louie.” PGP.

Envying the coworker that got fired this morning. PGP.