Getting a girlfriend was the best decision socially and worst decision financially. PGP.

Drake’s perspective of not having any new friends is a lot different from mine. PGP.

Whoever installed an even number of urinals can go straight to hell. PGP.

Today I had to use a sick day for another job interview. My boss called my doctor. PGP.

I only check my 401k to remind myself that I actually have assets somewhere in this world. PGP.

Got caught Tindering during a meeting. I then had to explain to several of my managers what Tinder was. I can’t tell if they are disgusted or sorry for me. PGP.

I’m not anti-social, I just don’t like anyone I work with. PGP.

My date didn’t want to come home with me, but she endorsed me on LinkedIn. So I wouldn’t count it as a total loss. PGP.

38 minutes late to work today because I jacked off in the shower this morning. I didn’t even finish. PGP.

“There’s no one new around you.” Story of my life. PGP.