We don’t have a Steve in my office. PGP.

Wishing for a faster metabolism for your birthday. PGP.

Immediately going into “saving for a wedding” mode upon receiving a “What is your address?” text. PGP.

WHY AM I STILL HERE? PGP.

One of these days, I’m going to scream “Shut the fuck up” out loud instead of in my head. PGP.

Seeing something NSFW online and immediately going to your phone to look at it. PGP.

Wells Fargo calling you at work about a suspicious charge for Adult Friend Finder. PGP.

“You are a sad, strange, little man.” PGP.

Acquiring a large collection of allen wrenches because of all the Target and IKEA furniture you own. PGP.

Meaningless email conversations. PGP.