My parents told me that becoming a nun would solve both my employment and relationship problems. PGP.

Watching Spongebob with my nephew and exclusively identifying with Squidward. PGP.

Listening to the execs plan their trip to the Hamptons. I’m excited for a seven dollar bar crawl this weekend. PGP.

At work on my birthday. PGP.

Feeling that you directly contributed to the 2.9% decrease in 2014’s first quarter GDP. PGP.

“Any plans for the 4th?” PGP.

Realizing you’re at the office twice as much as your boss and make half as much. PGP.