My phone’s alarm jingle is the soundtrack to all of my nightmares. PGP.

Sent Jurgen Klinsmann’s Permission Slip to my manager as a joke 4 hours ago. He has not responded or acknowledged the e-mail. I think I might get fired. PGP.

To open the video Snapchat at work, or not. PGP.

The next 5 to 10 generations of LeBron James’ relatives already have more money than I ever will. PGP.

Coworkers asked if I was even alive during the OJ trial. I defensively replied that I was 4. PGP.

If Sallie Mae was a real person, I’d hunt her down and punch her in the fucking face. PGP.

Being on double secret probation isn’t as fun as it was in college. PGP.