My only linkedln endorsements are from people who have never met me.

Always over promising and under delivering. PGP

Showing up 3 days this week, working none.

I don’t care how much daycare costs, don’t bring your kids to work.

“Looks like someone got some sun this weekend”

My wife hates me and I don’t blame her.

Really testing the limits of “casual Friday”. PGP.

Found out the CFO can directly see my computer screen; has been for 9 months. Prob seeing me write this

“When are you going to make an honest woman out of her?” #PGP

The motion-censored bathroom lights going out mid-poop. PGP.