I’m more attracted to the DirecTV puppet wife than the girls at my agency. PGP.

Bad tie days. PGP.

Having to scour WeightWatchers.com to find the (apparently) mysterious number of points a decent beer will cost me. I just want to drink a damn beer. PGP.

Sent Jurgen Klinsmann’s Permission Slip to my manager as a joke 4 hours ago. He has not responded or acknowledged the e-mail. I think I might get fired. PGP.

Just flirted with a sorority girl for two minutes and thought, “I still got it.” PGP.

Getting a new match on Tinder gives me the same false promise that my degree did. PGP.

I keep re-watching “Office Space” in hopes of getting hypnotized. PGP.

I’m seriously considering moving in with a girl I’m not that interested in just so I can save 50% on rent. PGP.

I seriously considered quitting my office job to go back to life as a cart girl and life guard for the summer. Those were the good ol days. PGP

Quit my job on my birthday. Best gift I have ever received. PGP.