My first year here and lowest bonus payout in company history yet highest profits ever

Sent a picture of the girl I’ve been dating to my dad. He said “…Her? Well I’m glad we didn’t raise you to be shallow…” PGP.

blowing my nose with old Starbucks napkins at work because employees lost “free tissue privileges” and are expected to bring them from home

Still contemplating submitting my post-Powerball winning resignation letter despite not winning.

An upset client asking for your last name is the office equivalent of a “what’s your badge number?”

There is literally a dumpster fire in the parking lot. PGP

My desk just got moved to the storage room in the basement

Swiftly alt-tabbing to an equally unproductive tab. PGP.

Instead of offering a pay raise my boss said “Time for you to find a rich husband”.

100% probability of ‘drinks and dinner’ leading to an alcohol induced bender. PGP.