I leave reviews on Facebook. PGP.

Looking forward to the haircut I’m going to get on Saturday. PGP.

All my friends are getting engaged and I’m just sitting here watching Netflix. PGP.

Putting in my two weeks soon. Can’t stop fantasizing about never seeing these people again. PGP.

5/7 elevators in my elevator bank are down. I work on Floor 38. PGP.

Just avoiding the “Off To College” Snapchat story. PGP.

Half of my coworkers wear cargo shorts. PGP.

Counting down the days until my coworker nemesis goes on maternity leave. PGP.

I want to complain about my job but I signed the NDA. PGP.

I sound so much nicer in my office voicemail than I actually am in real life. PGP.