My best friend just bought a house. I just bought a Cheesy Gordita Crunch with change. PGP.

Management has been asking for people to volunteer to take days off to save money on payroll. I volunteered tomorrow so I can go to a job interview. PGPM.

Wishing I lived in the ’70s so my chest hair and pattern balding would be more socially acceptable. PGP.

It’s almost “drive to work in the dark, drive home in the dark” season. PGP.

This whole Ray Rice thing really makes me wonder how many times someone has seen me pick my nose while riding an elevator alone. PGP.

Until recently, I thought Ariana Grande was a font in Microsoft Office. PGP.

I don’t know what it’s like to be fat, but I’m awfully close to finding out. PGP.

Passive aggressively narrating my day through PGP submissions. PGP.

My job had unlimited paid sick days. Can somebody give me mono? PGP.