Too poor for a girlfriend or a pet. Not busy at all. PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

Accidentally dialing 9 before making a call on your cell phone. PGP.

I’ll get my shit together when I’m 25. PGP.

Never making it past a first date. PGP.

Realizing you won’t be seeing the light of day until Summer 2015. PGP.

I still don’t know what the acronym in my company’s name stands for. PGP.

My office is colder than how I feel inside. PGP.

Demanding that your colleagues pre-game a work-related charity event with you. PGP.

Got a Happy Birthday email from my bank before a call, text or Facebook post from any of my friends. PGP.