Changing girls as often as your underwear. TFM. Changing girls as often as your oil. PGP.

My undergrad friends think I’m boring, and my postgrad friends think I’m immature. PGP.

Going to a cousin’s wedding and being told, “You’re next!” by every family member there. PGP.

Last Cinco de Mayo, I ripped Tecate bongs and tequila haircuts. Yesterday, I fell asleep on the couch halfway through an episode of “Louie.” PGP.

1: “I have a case of the Mondays.” 2: “No, you have that every single day.” PGP.

Let the thermostat wars begin. PGP.

“It’s cold in here today.” -Everyone. PGP.

Headset hair. PGP.

I see how many times I can say “meow” on my daily conference call without anyone noticing. My record is 3. PGP.

Somehow always getting the cart at the grocery store with a loud, broken wheel. PGP.