I’m still hungover from Preakness.

“We’ve gotta open a business so we can be our own boss.” PGP

I make fake reminders on post it notes and stick them to the edge of my monitor to seem busy. PGP

I need coffee to poop in the morning now PGP

I can’t even afford to casually date. PGP.

Frantically pressing the close door button in the elevator at the sound of approaching footsteps. PGP.

My desk computer loves running lengthy mandatory software updates exclusively on the days that I am currently running late.

5 of my Facebook friends are celebrating birthdays today, and I don’t care about any of them

We all just got laid off.