My financial adviser described my drinking habit as “financially irresponsible.” PGP.

I moved to Omaha today. PGP.

“We’ve decided to go with another candidate.” PGP.

Burned two-thirds of my lunch break in a drive-thru line. PGP.

Applying for your dream job while drunk. PGP.

The hardest thing I have done this week was quietly listen to Andre Nickatina at the office. PGP.

My neighbors’ kids stay up later than I do. PGP.

Gonna stay in Friday night to do my taxes. PGP.

We hired a hot girl. Oh god, we hired a hot girl. PGP.

I see my Jimmy John’s delivery guy more than I see my family. PGP.