Whoever installed an even number of urinals can go straight to hell. PGP.

Had a customer tell me that I sound like I’ve been doing this for years. I have. Years and years and years…and years. PGP.

I spend more time researching Ebola than doing my job. PGP.

“At least I have my dignity,” as you walk into a thrift shop. PGP.

Someone in HR overheard me telling the interns an embellished sex story from college. Strike one. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.

The pants that came with my suit had to be let out in the waist…and ass. PGP.

Seriously, fuck Steve. PGP.

I need to lose weight because I got fat. I can’t afford to lose weight because my suits won’t fit. PGP

1: “How’d you meet your wife?” 2: “Tinder.” PGP.