The words “Spring Break” no longer excite me. Now they just make me dread the possibility of having a daughter. #PGP

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” PGP

Doing your morning routine the night before, not to be efficient, but to wake up as late as humanly possible.

Not telling the boss that I finished a project until he asks about it, so he won’t give me another. PGP

I like to print random documents to a printer on the other side of the office, and walk a lap through the office with it in my hand. An hour later, I’ll walk another lap back, and shred it. It looks like work and makes my cardiologist happy. PGP

Being terrified when asked “What is your desired salary?” PGP

Turns out 9 to 5 is just an expression

At that point in my life where the car my parents gave me is going to need to be replaced. Shit.

Saying, “I’ve never seen the market do anything like this before!” so it sounds like you’ve followed the market for longer than your 10 months of employment. #PGP

“You hear about that missing plane?”