Emails prefaced with “Action Required.” PGP.

My birthday treat was adding guac to my burrito that I’m eating alone at my desk. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a lifelong relationship is my relationship with Sallie Mae. PGP.

“Hey Dad, I’m coming home today” “Why?” PGP.

She changed the Netflix password after we broke up. PGP.

My mind is telling me yes. But my body…my body is telling me no. PGP.

Somehow I always manage to get sick on Friday. PGP.

Everyone is working from home today. I didn’t get the memo. PGP.

Riding a fine line between being offended and ‘fair enough’ when you’re made aware of your family’s unanimous concern of you treating the upcoming family trip like a ‘boozy college beach week.’ PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.