I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

“When I was your age, I was just like you.” PGP.

Finally got laid by using eharmonys free trial weekend. PGP.

Almost forgot I had to work today. PGP.

Get me the fuck out of here. PGP.

Making in 17 years what Andrew McCutchen took home in one paycheck. PGP.

The next time my coworkers see me I will be sunburnt and hungover. PGP.

I’m not even pretending to work today. PGP.

This post is the most productive thing I’ve done all day. PGP