It’s not that I’m antisocial, it’s just that I don’t give a fuck anymore. PGP.

Please don’t hold the elevator. I’d rather wait than say “good morning.” PGP.

Got to work early today so I sat in my car until I was late. PGP.

I like to pretend that the super hot bank teller is flirting with me, but deep down I know she’s just really nice to everyone. PGP.

When TImes New Roman size 12 looks small to you. PGP.

First thing I do at work in the morning is countdown the hours until lunch. PGP.

Being in charge of a project budget that is 25 times greater than your personal budget. PGP.

Cousin Eddie being unemployed for seven years because he’s holding out for a management position. PGP.

I haven’t had actual paper currency in my wallet in weeks. PGP.

“Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah.” PGP.