The only thing I have in common with my 18-year-old brother is that we both want fake IDs saying we are 21. PGP.

Not staying up to see the moon last night because you wouldn’t have been able to function at work today. PGP.

“It’s cold in here today.” -Everyone. PGP.

90% of my day is spent avoiding emails and pretending I’m too busy to answer the phone. PGP.

Headset hair. PGP.

I see how many times I can say “meow” on my daily conference call without anyone noticing. My record is 3. PGP.

My to-do list is finished by 2:00pm every single day. After that it’s all smoke and mirrors. PGP.

Last week I got engaged to the love of my life. We met on Tinder. PGP.