I can’t believe I was the best candidate for the job. I’m a dipshit employee. PGP.

“I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” -Kevin Malone. PGP.

When I was “bending the truth” about my Excel skills in my interview, I didn’t realize how dependent my job was on excel. Quarterly reports? Fuck. PGP.

Taking a nap on the floor of your office instead of taking a lunch break. PGP.

I’m not driving the struggle bus. I’m not even riding the struggle bus. I just got run the fuck over by the struggle bus. PGP.

90% of the emails I send start with “Sorry for the delay.” PGP.

Just got a raise. After taxes I am now bringing home an extra $17 every two weeks. PGP.

Adulthood: college’s ultimate hangover. PGP.

When you spell a word so incorrectly that not even spellcheck knows what the hell you’re talking about. PGP.