While I really appreciate it, giving me my own office with a door was a big mistake as far as productivity goes. PGP.

The guy next to me quit so I switched my monitor for his bigger one. PGPM.

I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

One too many glasses of pinot while watching the bachelorette and I now have a 6-month membership to match.com. #PGP

I know exactly how much I can drink on a weeknight and not be hungover at work the next day. I usually blow right past it around 9 p.m. PGP.

Frantically pressing the close door button in the elevator at the sound of approaching footsteps. PGP.

5 of my Facebook friends are celebrating birthdays today, and I don’t care about any of them

Tuesday is the day I stop regretting last weekend and start looking forward to this weekend. PGP.

People are beginning to expect more out of me. PGP