I’ve been at work for an hour and I have yet to do anything remotely productive.

I’m a regular at more than one Subway.

Looking out the office window to see if your boss’s car is gone before ducking out early.

Strongly considering eating romaine lettuce in the hopes that I get E. coli so I can have a couple of days off.

Waking up and feeling like you’ve run a marathon when you actually just spent an hour at the driving range.

People who click and un-click their pens constantly while walking through the office.

I’m now proud of myself whenever I don’t black out on weekends.

There’s a Pedialyte in the break room fridge.

Typed “lunch” in an iMessage and my predictive text immediately brought up “beer.”

Having a favorite stall.

Everyone who thinks they’re a Jim is actually an Andy.

Really productive conference call. Left with four new matches by the end of it.