There’s actually a guy on my team who asks permission to use the bathroom. He’s in his mid 40s, has a wife, kids, and owns a house. PGP.

My GTA V stock portfolio is more successful than my real stock portfolio. PGP.

I’ve never stretched the truth more in my life than when I updated my résumé. PGP.

Closing an action-item with your boss at the urinal. PGP.

The coworker that ends every email with an ellipses… PGP.

Checking people’s hands on their steering wheels for wedding rings when stuck in traffic on your commute. PGP.

Tried a new route to the office today. Showed up 20 minutes late. PGP.

Pulling a Costanza by wearing a stained shirt under your sweater. PGP.

Having to increase the font size on your computer screen so you can actually read it. PGP.

I’m really looking forward to getting some good socks for Christmas. PGP.

Google searching “Natural Adderall alternatives.” PGP.

That one coworker who always writes an awkward “haha” in their emails. PGP.