1: “Let’s do lunch.” 2: “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I wouldn’t need this job.” PGP.

Submitting one resume and immediately planning a life based around that potential job. PGP.

Having “team huddles” twice a week that consist of the CFO reading Dilbert strips aloud, followed by brainstorming ways to apply these lessons to our work. PGP.

The office throwing an open bar event on Thursday and still expecting you to be at the office Friday morning. PGP.

Using the Snapchat caption to cover your newly-formed double chin. PGP.

Wishing Jon Taffer would come in and fire all your managers in a rage of fury. PGP.

Unidentifiable floating objects left in the toilet from the person who went before you. PGP.

Quit calling me a “team player.” I’m not. PGP.

Is it too early to Tinder at my desk? PGP.

Having to redo three days worth of work because of a formula error on your boss’s spreadsheet. PGP.

My office nemesis got the promotion over me. PGP.

Developing “monitor envy” when a coworker gets dual screens that are larger than your one. PGP.